You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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