Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
