Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
