she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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