was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
