dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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