Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
