fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
