My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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