hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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