accomplished twins. life is a go
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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