i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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