dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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