I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
