hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
