smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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