Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize