Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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