At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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