So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize