but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
