so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
