i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
