i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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