Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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