i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
