hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
