I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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