Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
