u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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