whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
