I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize