**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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