You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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