i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
