Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm like, not good at living.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
