I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
