Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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