I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
