dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
