"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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