I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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