3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
