well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
