I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
