Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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