I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
