my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
