I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
