How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sober January is a disaster.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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