Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
