Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
