look no pants
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
