could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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