so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
