God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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