Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
