and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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