can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
