Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
