She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize