I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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