Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize