All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
