Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
