The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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