My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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