I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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